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"You Also Have a Pizza" is the sixth episode of the second season of Orange Is the New Black. It is the nineteenth episode of the series overall. It premiered on June 6, 2014. It was written by Stephen Falk and directed by Allison Anders.
Aleida, Sister Ingalls, Sophia and Lorna sharing their definitions of love. Aleida explains that it's your stomach feeling tight but floaty, having to smile all the time, but also about a lot of sex. Sister Ingalls describes it as light, acceptance and fire, while Sophia describes it as "horrible pain that you want again and again". Lorna states that everybody knows that she's got so much to say about love whilst holding the teddy bear she stole from Christopher's house.
The Spanish women in the kitchen are baking heart (and dick)-shaped cookies and are reminiscing about Valentine’s Day past. Gloria thinks Valentine’s Day is just a ruse to make people whose lives aren’t perfect feel bad about themselves. Blanca tells the ladies that her boyfriend Diablo says, “There are no perfect couples but each couple is perfect in its own way”. CO Fischer shows some sympathy to the women, acknowledging that holidays are particularly hard on the inmates. For her empathy, they give her a dick-shaped cookie, which she embarrassingly crams in her mouth when she sees Bennett coming round the bend asking her if she needs water.
Bennett finds his way to Daya and they imagine a date they would be having if they were a normal couple. Aleida interrupts them, and sends Daya off to get a bag of flour so she can have words with Bennett. She hands him a list of contraband that she expects to be smuggled in in his prosthetic leg, referring to it as "Sleepy Hollow".
In the A-Dorm’s busted showers, the women are forced to soap up at the sinks before rinsing off for their allotted 30 seconds and [...]. Waiting their turn are Taystee and Vee, who are arguing about Vee’s demand, that Taystee leaves her beloved job at the library to join custodial. [...] Vee pulls some manipulative puppet strings, reminding Taystee that she’s the one who got her out of her foster home.
Jimmy wanders in looking for her long dead husband Jack and his Valentine’s chocolates which he buys her every year. She explains that they have a fixed income and she doesn't want to be wasted if he couldn't find her. Vee comments to Taystee that Taystee should kill her in her sleep if she ever gets like that.
It’s Poussey's turn to talk about love, which for her is chill and intense at the same time. She gets a faraway look in her eyes when talking about not wanting to be separated from her loved ones and that love is not wanting to go to sleep, because you might be away from them for a while.
In custodial, Watson complains about her new job to Suzanne. Suzanne, who finds a lot of peace in her work, has a full on dramatic scene with a mop, defending Watson’s right to dislike her new position while still being respectful to Vee. Cindy and Big Boo join them, and Boo sets her sights on Watson, offering her a sensual massage. She also wants a piece of whatever action is happening, or at least enough to keep her mouth shut. Before she leaves she tells Watson, “Tomorrow night, I’m going to put the V in your Valentines”. Watson gives her the double birds and Boo leaves. Cindy asks Suzanne, she of the many obsessive crushes, if she has a Valentine. Suzanne tells her no, from now on she’s focusing on herself, not validation from common yard weeds.
It’s visitors' day, and Larry sits uncomfortably waiting for Piper. She walks in, trying to act as normal as possible. She announces that Valentine’s Day is also Florence Henderson’s birthday, reminding Larry about their past celebrations of naked Brady Bunch viewings and erotic kitchen oil usage. He quickly brings her back to reality by not playing along. This is the first time they’ve seen each other since their break up and it’s awkward. She gets serious and asks if, when she gets out, she can come home to him. Larry is hesitant, and wants a guarantee that Piper will still feel the same way when she’s released. That’s an assurance that Piper can’t give him and Larry is no longer willing to survive on hope. Larry has more pressing issues to discuss with Piper. He mentions that Andrew Nance, a reporter, contacted him about his investigative piece on the financial irregularities at Litchfield. Larry thought it was such a good idea that he plans to steal it and use Piper’s position on the inside to do so. Piper can’t believe what she’s hearing, knowing what Larry is asking could jeopardize her future freedom. She tells him to find his own way; “You’re the moon Larry, you have got to stop being the moon". Larry fires back at Piper that she assumes she is the sun. He’s having trouble moving on because everywhere he turns, her rays are shining down. That and all of her toiletries take up a lot of room. As he leaves, he gives Piper a dose of reality; “At least people can walk on the moon. Anyone gets near the sun, they burn right up.”
In the greenhouse, Red is tending to her plants while Vasily is blow torching the sewer grate. He’s also crying because the girlfriend that gave him a shiner left him. Red has little sympathy, saying she's a smart girl. Jimmy wanders in still searching for Jack, and Red convinces her that he climbed into a taxi and rode off. When Jimmy goes off in search of the cab, Vasily breaks through the metal and Red’s pipeline is open.
Nicky and Piper are hard at work on a box of exposed wires, discussing who they imagine going home to after they get out of prison. Nicky votes for Fiona Apple, circa 1999, and Piper reveals that her plans to live a life with Larry are more than likely over. Nicky offers to take her mind off of things, but Piper knows that it’s only a ploy to score three lousy points in the sex contest between Nicky and Big Boo. Piper laments losing both "sexy, psycho Alex" and "sweet, unfocused" Larry. Nicky admits that Larry might be on to something as she nearly electrocutes herself on the fuse box. She states that Litchfield’s infrastructure is a mess and no one is spending a dime to change it. Piper decides to look in to the extent of damage and inconsistencies in the prison.
Caputo stops by to check in on CO Fisher, who is officially eavesdropping on the "positively Dickensian" lives of the inmates. She flashes him a smile, and he gets all befuddled. Caputo, who clearly has a thing for her, casually mentions that he’s in a band, and invites her to come watch, even offering to get her shift covered to do so. [...]
In the library, Poussey reads Lewis Carroll to Taystee, who is trying to enjoy her last moments surrounded by books before she is forced to transfer. Poussey can’t believe what she is hearing since Taystee loves her job so much. Taystee tries to explain that she owes Vee for rescuing her from her awful foster situation. Taystee offers to try and get Poussey transferred but Poussey has no interest in living under Vee’s thumb.
When Bennett arrives for his Valentine’s Day shift, he’s carrying a few extra items. Unfortunately, they are rattling inside his prosthetic leg. He nervously goes through security, but doesn’t set off any alarms with his contraband. As the women in the kitchen decorate cookies with frosting and sprinkles, Bennett hands off the contraband to Aleida. He catches Daya’s eye and motions her over. He tries to play their little make-believe game from the day before, but Daya and her pregnancy hormones aren’t having it.
As Healy stands inside an office gathering his mail, Soso is helping a new inmate get adjusted to the place. She recommends talking to the counselors, but when Soso finds out that the inmate’s counselor is Healy, she hesitates. Soso tells her that she hears Healy is not well-liked, which Healy overhears.
Piper is working on a broken light with Luschek overseeing. She starts pressing him about all the issues with the electrical grid at the prison, and he doesn’t disagree. He remains tight-lipped on where and if the allotted money was really spent, but Piper reads between the lines.
Yoga Jones leads a class through their asanas, as Big Boo ogles some of the women's posteriors in the group. Red walks in with a new swagger. She slips Anita some new blue eye shadow, and sunflower seeds to Boo. She even has Yoga Jones’ special tea. “Well, look who’s back”, Yoga Jones proudly whispers to a very touched Red. Red then makes her way to the bunks where Nicky has just added four points to her tally and Gina and Norma sit playing cards. Red tells them that the time for resentment is over and they will soon need to stand by each other. Norma and Gina refuse Red’s gifts and walk away. Nicky advises Red that maybe trying to buy their love isn’t the best way to go about it.
In the commissary, Vee is working on inventory with Chang, while CO Maxwell oversees. Maxwell is jonesing for a smoke so she runs out to her car, leaving the women unattended. Poussey pops by, requesting a moment of Vee’s time. Vee, who does not take Poussey particularly seriously, takes delight in knowing that transferring Taystee has gotten under Poussey’s skin. Poussey is furious, and threatens to kill Vee if any harm comes to Taystee. Vee is amused by Poussey’s challenge. When Poussey calls Vee out for her manipulative tactics, Vee gets in her face, telling her “Taystee. Will. Never. Love. You.”. Poussey laughs it off to cover her own broken heart, proclaiming that she doesn’t like Taystee that way. When Poussey walks away, her face betrays her true feelings.
Piper heads out to the loading dock, where supposedly allotted money was used to fix a fuse box. She opens it to find that it’s completely fried. CO Maxwell runs outside smoking a cigarette, and finds Piper standing on the dock. They both agree to look the other way, and Piper asks Maxwell about the gym that was supposed to be built on the dock site. Before Maxwell can answer, Healy interrupts. Word is that Piper has been asking a lot of questions lately and he wants to know why. Improvising, she blurts out that she’s starting a prison newsletter. She rolls with it, explaining that’s why she’s been trying to get to know the prison and her fellow inmates. Healy actually likes the sound of the newsletter and agrees to consider it. He confides in Piper that the women used to like him, and she says that they will again one day.
Vee saunters into the custodial room to find a bunch of unhappy ladies, except Suzanne who has come across Christopher’s crumpled wedding invitation in the trash. Taystee is pissed and tries standing up to Vee. Vee quickly shuts it down by having Taystee open a box of cleaning supplies. Inside, instead of cleanser, is tobacco. Lots of tobacco. This was Vee’s master plan all along.
Piper is sorting through her mail, when she comes across a red Valentine card envelope return addressed with a heart and the initials AV. She immediately tosses it in the trash. Meanwhile, Flaca and Maritza are giving their Valentine's Day interview, and state that any good love story ends with a pizza.
The Valentine’s party is in full swing. There are cookies, cylindrical fried foods, and Flaca and Maritza even have some secret toilet hooch. Bennett and a very put-out Healy are in charge of chaperoning the event. Bennett tries talking to Healy about women, but gets nothing but terrible advice. Bennett sees Daya by the punch and tries to apologize for earlier. Daya doesn’t want words, she wants some action, and demands that he take her somewhere private. He takes her to Caputo’s empty office. Meanwhile, a lost Jimmy wanders through the prison alone, eventually finding her way out an unlocked door and into the night.
Poussey is alone in the library reading when Taystee comes up behind her, covering her eyes. She sits down across from Poussey and tells her to close her eyes and open her mouth. Poussey does as asked and thinks for a moment that Taystee is about to kiss her. Alas, it’s not Taystee’s lips she feels, but a cigarette. Taystee is beyond excited about this new turn of events, but Poussey knows it’s nothing but bad news.
Bennett zips up his pants, pleased that Daya is in a better mood. Daya presents him with a picture she’s drawn of the two of them, just hanging out on the couch with their imaginary dog. He loves it. She pulls out a Valentine’s card that she assumes he secretly sent to her. Bennett never sent a card though, and immediately realizes that it’s from Pornstache.
Back at the swinging party, Piper is walking around asking the women questions for the newsletter. When she approaches Red’s crew of mature ladies, they think her questions about love are ridiculous. They are more receptive when she changes the subject to the work being done around the prison. Healy sees them all laughing and cooperating with Piper and gives her a wink. Later, he leaves the party to call Katya. She doesn’t pick up so he leaves her a message, partially in Russian, wishing her a happy Valentine’s Day and promising to make her proud one day.
Line dancing is happening at the party, off to the side, Soso is ruining Ferris Bueller’s Day Off for Sophia with her conspiracy theories and managing to irritate Sister Ingalls at the same time. Nicky walks over to offer a suggestion; “Next time, just sit on her face. It shuts her right up.”. Sister promises to keep that tidbit in mind for the future. A smiling Pennsatucky joins the others dancing, but Leanne continues to freeze her out. When Penn confronts them, Leanne and the other girls unceremoniously boot her from their group. Pennsatucky brushes it off, saying she’s better without their dead weight anyway. When she leaves, Leanne takes the opportunity to seize the leadership position, sending Angie to fetch her some punch.
While Morello comfort-eats macaroni and cheese from a serving spoon and the other ladies groove to the beats, Flaca, Blanca and Maritza find a visibly nervous Bennett standing by. They make sure that he knows they have something on him, and ask for special items to be brought in.
Big Boo confronts Nicky at the party, accusing her of spreading rumors that she has crotch critters. Both women have earned thirty-six points, but all this banging has begun to take its toll. They both agree to call it a draw. They transfer their competitive spirit to a good old cookie-eating contest.
At the bar, Caputo's band Side Boob is rocking it out. Fischer arrives, much to Caputo’s delight. He’d saved her a stool at the bar, but she’s brought company. In come COs Bell and O’Neill, still broken up and fighting. Caputo is further disappointed when Luschek arrives, and cuddles up next to Fischer.
At the same time, Larry is carrying bags of Piper’s clothes into Polly’s building when she suddenly gets off the elevator. When he sees Polly, something takes over and he grabs and kisses her. Pete, who is suddenly home from his vision quest, just in time for Valentine’s Day, breaks up their kiss. Pete didn’t witness the kiss, so he invites Larry and a very surprised Polly out on a special dinner.
Suzanne finds Morello sitting alone, and joins her. Suzanne pulls out the crumbled invitation, and shows it to her. A mortified Morello grabs it out of her hands and hides it. Suzanne tells Morello that she gets it, that whole unrequited thing. She tells Morello that those people don’t deserve their love anyway. Morello tells Suzanne that Christopher has ruined Valentine’s Day forever. She confesses that no one knows, but Suzanne points out that Morello knows and that’s what is important. Suzanne wipes a tear from Morello’s face. Morello still wants to believe in love, which she thinks is probably pathetic. On the contrary Suzanne tells her, "To love, and love and love, knowing it could all end in heartache one day is brave, not sad.". They both hug, and Suzanne takes a moment to sniff Morello’s hair.
In the darkened kitchen, a drunk Flaca and Maritza sit on a counter. With a paper penis stuck to her head, Maritza gets serious. She and Flaca are wasting their best years behind bars. Flaca offers to kiss Maritza, and plants a quick one on her as they both giggle. When Maritza asks for another kiss, Flaca obliges, except this time things get intense. They kiss pretty passionately for a few moments, and then both pull away and break out in laughter. They both agree not to go there again. Martiza pulls Flaca in for a hug instead.
Taystee is rocking it out on the dance floor, even dropping into the splits. She gets up and tries to convince Poussey to join her. Poussey is busy flirting with a new pixie cut-sporting inmate, and brushes Taystee off. When Taystee is insistent, Poussey gets mean and makes a fat joke at Taystee. Their arguing causes the girl to take off, which sours Poussey’s mood even more and she walks away.
Vee and Red come together to chat. They both have their own things going, and Red warns Vee that none of this will end well. Pennsatucky sees her old friends laughing and dancing, and despite her earlier bravado, she’s close to tears. She walks outside for some air, and finds Healy already sitting there. She joins him and they sit in silence for a moment. Healy breaks his heart shaped cookie and gives Pennsatucky the other half. Touched by his gesture, she hugs him and he hugs her back.
At the bar, Caputo sings a ballad-y number while he watches Fischer cozy up to Luschek. As he scans the room, he sees Jimmy, filthy with leaves in her hair, sitting at the bar bobbing her head to the music.
Finally, Piper stands alone, facing the camera as Nicky asks her to describe love: “It’s like coming home after a long trip. That’s what love is like. It’s like coming home. Thanks for asking.”.
In an Army Base in Germany, in the common room, a group of young people has gathered to talk and goof around. Poussey is in a joint rolling contest with a beautiful red-haired German girl and easily dominates and it is evident that she is Poussey's girlfriend. They speak sweet nothings in German to each other and kiss. When a young British man joins them, Poussey chastises him for not bothering to learn the language. They are all children of Army officers stationed in Germany, who have moved around more times than they can count. Poussey is certain that this is their last and permanent stop as her dad promised. She resumes kissing her lady, Franziska, while the British boy asks if he can watch. She responds “Nein, motherfucker. Nein”.
Later, Poussey and Franzi are attempting, unsuccessfully, to scissor. They give up but fall back into bed, cuddling and kissing. Poussey starts talking about love, but soon enough, they can’t keep their hands off each other. Poussey goes down on her girlfriend. Then, unexpectedly, the other girl’s father walks in on them. He stands speechless in his highly decorated military jacket as the girls try to cover themselves.
Poussey is smoking a cigarette out the window of her room. Her father comes and she tells quickly lies about a man smoking right near into her window. He tells Poussey that they are being unexpectedly transferred back to the US. He’s beside himself, thinking he has let his family down, but Poussey knows the real reason the transfer is happening. She sits on her bed in tears.
In Poussey’s room in Germany, Franzi begs Poussey to take her with when she goes back to the states. She loves Poussey, but Poussey throws up her walls, pretending not to love her back. Her girlfriend comments on how Poussey said she loved her just yesterday, and asking how why it is so easy for her to forget, and Poussey brokenly retorts that she "has had plenty of practise".
Later, Poussey, drunk and broken-hearted, confronts Franzi’s father in the dining hall. Poussey yells at him and tearfully confesses to loving his daughter. The girl’s father tells her that is exactly why she has to leave. Poussey reaches her breaking point and goes to pull out a gun, but is stopped by her father before anyone else can see. The girl’s father tells Poussey’s dad that there are places that can fix Poussey's "problem", but her father knows there isn’t anything wrong with his child.
For a list of all the inmates' definitions of love click here.
- "Pardon my French, but you can eat my shit, whore, whore, whore."
- — Pennsatucky
- First appearance of CO Charles Ford.