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"We'll Always Have Baltimore" is the fifth episode of the fourth season of Orange Is the New Black. It is the forty-fourth episode of the series overall. It premiered on June 17, 2016. It was written by Jordan Harrison and directed by Tricia Brock.
Company policies lead to a shortage of critical supplies and an eventful trip to a prison convention. Piscatella starts a new anti-gang initiative.
The prison runs out of pads due to the increased number of inmates. A black market for sanitary supplies forms as a result. A single tampon goes for $25 or whatever is available to trade. In the bathroom, it is revealed Alison Abdullah has a secret phone which she uses to communicate with her child.
Caputo and Linda go to a corrections facility convention, CorrectiCon. The convention offers new products for prisons. On the way there, Linda boasts tales of the types of commercialized products she receives for free as part of her job role, indicating a complete emotional disconnect with the prison she helps manage. During her own panel the next day, Danny Pearson, who is seated in the audience, launches into a protest, yelling out injustices Litchfield is committing. He is escorted out by security but Caputo tries reasoning with him. When a security guard puts hands on him, Caputo slams him to the ground and is arrested along with Danny. In custody, Danny warns Caputo about Linda, saying she's the devil and to "watch out" for her. Linda frees both of them, then she and Caputo have sex.
Taystee flips through a magazine in her office and finds paparazzi photos of Judy King in the prison garden, taken by the drone seen in previous episodes. Maritza Ramos is driving the COs back to their cabins and one makes particularly sexist comments about her. She claps back with her own insults. Soso tries to help Aleida with her GED exam revision but what is so easy to Soso is beyond Aleida, particularly as Soso does a poor job of explaining trigonometry. Aleida is concerned she won't be able to secure a job outside without the qualification.
Maria can’t figure out how to efficiently get her products out, and is intrigued as to how Piper manages her business so secretly. Maritza offers to help by smuggling the panties out in the prison van. They are to be collected by Maria's brother, Alonso, but the pick-up is very nearly busted by the guards staying in the newly renovated accommodation discovered by Suzanne and Maureen in the aftermath of the fence escape. Maritza manages to smooth it over, but one guard, Humphrey, is not as easily placated as the others, and tells her (in Spanish) that she's smarter than she looks.
Piper, in an attempt to stop Maria from running her own secret business, dobs Maria in to Piscatella, alerting him to the "gang" Maria is forming. He says he will stop them. Piper tries to flirt but Piscatella tells her he is gay and "[he] will never find [her] adorable". He later tells her her info checked out and suggests she put together a "neighborhood watch" style group to flush out any gang activity in the prison. She obliges. However, during the meeting, the white inmates misinterpret the group formation as a whites vs other races rally cry, and the particularly racist inmates start a "white lives matter" chant. Piper is horrified but doesn't know how to stop them, and so she, Lorna, and Gina can only watch on, whilst Hapakuka, Piper's paid Hawaiian bodyguard, bails in horror.
Note: Flashbacks are arranged in chronological order, not the order in which they occur on the show.
Maritza works in a nightclub as a bartender. In order to score extra money, she fills an empty vodka bottle with water, "accidentally" smashes it whilst delivering it to a table full of men, then guilt-trips them into paying for another bottle, saying that the money will be taken from her paycheck. A customer catches onto her tricks and offers her a place within his team of con artists. They take her to an expensive car dealership, where she is to pose as an attendant to potential customers, take a customer's ID inside to book the car for a test drive pretending to be the customer's wife, then run off with the car once she has dropped off the customer after the drive. Her mission almost works until another employee comes along for the test drive, leaving Maritza to desperately try to keep her cover hidden. She fails, panics, then feigns car sickness by the side of the road. When the customer and employee get out to help her, she runs back to the car and drives away.
- "It's only boys. Once you get the blood rushing to their dicks, they're like your servants"
- — Maritza Ramos
- "One year, we got these little toy jail cells to put your candy in when you're on a diet. And then...yeah, another year, we got these Nerf-style guard batons. And so, anytime anyone said something stupid at a staff meeting, we would just whale on them. Until the incident with Greg's eye, but..."
- — Linda
- "I've had a beard since tenth grade. Two beards, actually. The one on my face, and the one I took to junior prom. Yeah. I like dudes. I will never find you adorable. Keep that in mind."
- — Piscatella to Piper Chapman
- "Oh great, just what I need, a fairy god chink"
- — Aleida Diaz
- John Kander & Cabaret Cast - Tomorrow Belongs To Me