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"Time Hump Chronicles" is the title of Suzanne Warren's popular erotic sci-fi story she worked on in Season Three.

Many inmates of Litchfield are obsessed with Suzanne's story, including Poussey Washington, Maureen Kukudio, Anita DeMarco, Frieda, Annie Valdez and Jeanie Babson who regularly read her new chapters and approached her impatiently concerning updates and new ideas or just tried to encourage her.

Events Around The Work[]


As a part of Berdie Rogers' Drama class, Suzanne tries to write a play, which is meant by Berdie as a device to re-imagine old resentments or a certain primary life-experience, but ends interpreted by Suzanne as just a task "to use imagination" and in turn results into the first chapter of "Time Hump Chronicles". When she shows Berdie her play, she explains to Suzanne that it would be too pornographic and obscene - as Suzanne herself claims it would just be "erotically inclined" - and therefore can't let her perform it ("Tongue-Tied").


Shortly afterwards, she meets Taystee who encourages her to write more 'cause she's been working so hard on it, but after reading the first chapter she's put off by the content. However, Suzanne titles Taystee as her editor and gives her already two more chapters she's just finished. As Poussey also starts reading it, she gets more and more soaked into Suzanne's story. [...] Shortly afterwards the story spread like wildfire through the prison. [...]

Book Tour after the fourth chapter . [...] Writer's block, probably due to too much pressure ("Where My Dreidel At"). [...]


When Suzanne reveals that CO Wade Donaldson inspired the character Admiral Rodcocker and all women start to make sexual comments on him, he starts to get disturbed and brings the erotica to Healy, after he's got it in his hands. [...] ("We Can Be Heroes")


"Time Hump Chronicles" is an erotic science fiction story about a sex adventure through time and space centered around Space Admiral Rodcocker, in Berdie's words "a kinky sex fantasy set in space", consisting of four chapters.

"It's not just sex, it's love. It's two people connecting... with four other people, and aliens."
Suzanne Warren


Chapter 1[]

The characters are not in the same timeline; Admiral Rodcocker is in the future, Gilead is in the past and Edwina can move through time, but only in one direction.

Somehow, Edwina gets involved with both men and has sex with them, or at least several times with Admiral Rodcocker.

Chapter 2[]

A conflict emerges when Edwina has to choose between Gilly and Space Admiral Rodcocker.

Chapter 3[]

Rodcocker doesn't appear much, as Edwina has left him for Gilly, 'cause Rodcocker's never even fully present when he's with Edwina being also with other women in other dimensions.

A man made of vaseline gets as well involved in the story in this chapter, but his arc takes a tragic end and it's uncertain whether he will reappear.

Chapter 4[]

The story gets an unexpected turn, when Edwina gets blindfolded during the trial by lovemaking, wherefore she "does not know one membrane from another".

Edwina decides to go back to Rodcocker, just for the sex, although she had a chance of love with Gilly.

Gilly can't find real love, although he's the "purest soul in the universe" and the only one who actually loves Edwina.

Rodcocker falls into the orgasmator. Edwina manages to outsmart the orgasmator and frees him.


  • For an unknown long period of time Edwina's just living on Rodcocker's cum, which is normally impossible, but Rodcocker "has some extra protein".
  • It's revealed that Edwina is a robo-doll. But she doesn't get rusty when Lilly Sprinkle pees on her, as she's of pee-proof metal (probably chap.4).
  • Admiral Rodcocker gets his clothes vaporized and the readers find out that he's got two penises, after which he gives another girl a "shocker" made of penises instead of fingers (known as the best chapter).
  • When Sunflower has sex with Admiral Rodcocker and takes both his "Rodcockers" at once, she says "I can feel you in my eyeballs", which hints to her being polymorphously perverse.

Suzanne began to work on a fifth chapter, but gave up the project soon after.


Chapter 1[]

"His purple love muscle..."
— Read by Berdie Rogers, "Tongue-Tied"
"Her three holes opened, ready to be explored by his swollen pangolin."
— Read by Berdie Rogers, "Tongue-Tied"
"The Admiral thrust his pork sword into her squish mitten."
— Read by Taystee, "Tongue-Tied"


"Rodcocker broke away from the kiss.
"Are you okay, my sweet [...]?" Rodcocker said. Edwina grabbed Rodcocker by his joystick. "C'mon, Rodcocker. [...], said Edwina with a wink. Rodcocker [...] and reached for the control panel. He tapped on the [...] with the grace of a [...]. [...] of on the Captain's chair began to lift into the [...]. The control panel red: "Artificial Gravitiy: Off." Edwina looked at Rodcocker with [...]. "I thought it was [...]
— From a page seeable in "We Can Be Heroes", about 40:20


  • Edwina: A robo-doll made of pee-proof metal with wreckles and an ample bosom.
  • Space Admiral Rodcocker (based on Donaldson), previously named "Donaldschlong": He's got two penises and a conspicuous birthmark.
  • Gilead or Gilly: He's the only one who actually loves Edwina and is Space Admiral Rodcocker's rival.
  • Lily Sprinkle:
  • Sunflower: portrayed as a mean character, 'cause the readers "want to hate her"; probably  polymorphously perverse, as she can feel Rodcocker's penises in her eyeballs.
  • Vaseline Man: A character made of vaseline who, seemingly, only appears in chapter 3.





"Obscene, pornographic, vulgar "
Berdie Rogers
"... Worse than 'Shades of Grey''"
"This is some sick stuff."
Sam Healy

Fan Fiction[]